11/03/25
Watched Guillermo Del Toro's Frankenstein the other night. Incredible, passionate adaptation of the novel. So much beautiful lighting, each scene felt so alive and each space felt so lived in. An often warm, inviting world despite the cruely of its story. As we watched Victor's descent, one thing I noticed and have been thinking about in general is: perhaps it is inevitable for a man to become his father, at least if he doesn't fight harshly against him and himself. There's a million other works and stories and videos and films and totality of human history that cover this in ways better than I. After all, it's become glaringly clear in my adulthood that the world is ruled by either daddy issues, mommy issues, or dick issues. History will never march onward without some wretched combination of these 3 elements in play.
I've been dealing with my own daddy issues for some time now. With each piece I manage to untangle, examine, and break apart, I feel that the connection is only further severed yet the need for it only strengthens. Funnily enough, it was Neon Genesis Evangelion: Thrice Upon a Time that made me realize I'm not the only one that can carry the burden of this untanglement. My father too must make effort to shoulder his part. But it often seems like that's asking too much of him. There was a time where I felt I could trust him again, where I felt it was safe, where we were both communicating and making strides together. But despite that, he fell back into his old habits. Seems like he relapses every few months now. Promises of change, of grandeur, of a greater calling, of revolution. To me, to her, to another and another and another. I make similar promises, and I too often fail to follow through.
Victor managed to find his peace in the end, at last accepting his son for who he'd become, granting him one last truth: "If you cannot die... Your only option is to live." Or something like that. I was a bit teary-eyed during it and only had the opportunity to watch it once so, you get the idea. Like Victor and Gendo, I hope that one day I'm able to properly speak with my father, not to him or at him. I think the worst outcome is for me to ultimately accept that's simply who he is, who he'll ever be. This outcome seems to be the easiest for anyone, as it's what coworkers have recommended when we happen to get on the topic of prickly family. But I think it's sad. In a way, it's like treating another as an animal. It's purely its nature at this point, no longer burdened by the thought of right or wrong. It merely exists. It merely does. I'd like to think there's still a human somewhere in there. Likely alone, craving attention and pouring into a bottomless hole. But I alone cannot reach those depths for him.
It's a journey every man must make for himself.